Posted on by Santulan · 8 Comments

Devoid

How difficult it is to survive

the emergence of the routine

that is everyday?

The madness that is to conform,

chipping and chiseling at yourself

unless someone else takes a hammer to you.

 

When that is not enough,

there will be a blade.

With your own hands if not others’,

it will go inside and empty you

of what you were.

 

And then when all that is to be done,

I will present myself to them.

A deformed, and wretched version of what I once was.

Devoid of anything that was me,

devoid of anything that had unparalleled value.

 

A hollow, twisted trophy

to what they are capable of,

and a testament of my own inability.

This is what I shall offer.

 

When they’re looking at me,

beaming and proud

at the handiwork they asked for,

I will smile.

 

The smile will not be enough

and I shall laugh.

 

Laugh until hurts,

laugh in a manner that is unrestrained.

Laugh at the memory of who I could have been,

laugh at who I have become.

 

And then I will laugh because

I will be the only one laughing for it.

There will be no one there

to appreciate why.

 

And before my laugh merges

with theirs, I will know

that the joke is on them.

 

Written for day 3 of NaPoWriMo. The prompt was to use non Greco-Romian mythology. I couldn’t come up with anything, I chose the option to free style. Using an old poem of mine that has not been on the blog.

 

Posted on by Santulan · 87 Comments

Into the abyss

When I stood at the edge of the abyss,
I closed my eyes and
fell into it with open arms.
Drifting through its vast emptiness.

When I opened my eyes
I saw in the infinite
what I couldn’t see up close.
Other souls like mine.

Souls that celebrated their being,
questioned the infinte
and saw beyond the fear of boundaries.
It was like falling in love.

NaPoWrimo

Written for Day 2 of NaPoWriMo. The prompt was to write a poem based on the quotation given by the Bibliomancy Oracle. My quotation is :

If you wander far enough
you will come to it
and when you get there
they will give you a place to sit

from “Oh No” by Robert Creeley

The first prompt for NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) is to write an Ekphrastic Poem. Ekphrasis is the description of a piece of art.

 

One of my favorite artists is Alice Zhang. Some of her works on pop culture are simply wonderful. I am using this work of hers which is titled as “An Ocean of Oil”

Laugh now,

but know that I shall sow the seeds

of vengeance,spite and envy

and wait. Patiently.

I shall water them, nurture them

and let them grow in to big large trees .

And when then when they bear fruits,

I shall set the whole thing on fire.

I shall watch it burn,

and with it

burn every bit of this place to ash.

When there is nothing else left to burn,

I shall finally dance.

 

 

Thanks to Janaki for telling me about NaPoWriMo

Posted on by Santulan · 20 Comments

Two years ago

Samir smiled. It was the wedding day after all. Nimi had just stepped out of the changing room, and looked wonderful. The golden hues in the saree went wonderfully with her brown hair and eyes, while the pink matched the blush on her cheeks. She had a big smile as she walked towards the mandap, and her eyes shone when they met his. He couldn’t help but think of the day two years ago.

Samir had come back to his home in Bombay for the weekend. The new project in Pune would keep him occupied for most of the working week, leaving him only the weekend to relax. He had planned to catch up on his reading during this weekend. He was idling away on the sofa when his phone gave a beep to signal that he had received an SMS.

“Where are you?”
“Home… Lazing around… Why?”
“Can you meet me? I am at the café. A friend of mine wants to give away some of his books.”
“Excellent! Will join you in some time.”
“Ok, will ask him to come as well.”

He had grown very close to Nimi. He felt that it was about time that he ask her out. He took a shower, and changed in to a fresh pair of jeans and shirt. The café wasn’t far away, and with his bike it would take him less than five minutes. After parking his bike, he stood back in the parking for some time thinking. After taking a deep breath, he opened the door to enter the café.
She was sitting in a corner, watching something intently on the laptop. Her back was to the door, so she couldn’t see him come in. He took a moment for the sight of her to sink in. Here she was in a green tee, and black shorts. Her hair fell back in long waves, while she played with a lock in her left hand. She had long hair that went below her waist. It always smiled nice. He walked towards her and gave her a tap on the shoulder. She smiled and got up to hug him.

“I am hungry.”
“Why didn’t you order something till now?”
“I wanted a paneer sandwich, but they’re out of that.”
“Let’s order something else before we sit down.”
“Will you share a pizza? I will half a pizza and some iced tea.”
“I thought you were hungry.”
“Just hungry, not hungry-hungry.”
He couldn’t help but laugh, as he joined her at the counter to place an order. He ordered for some cola for himself.
“Who’s this friend of yours?”
“Ravi’s from work, in a different department. He is moving to a new place and wants to get rid of his dad’s old books.”
“What do you mean get rid of?”
“He’s not into reading. I know that you love it, so I asked him to come by. We can go to his place together and you can have your pick from the lot.”

They spent the next hour talking and sharing a pizza. He told her of his ongoing project in Pune, and how it kept him away home. She told him about the new boss she had, and what a pain he was. They agreed that bosses in general make it a point to trouble people and that when they would be team leads, they would be different. She laughed so hard at that, that a woman had to come and ask them to tone it down a little. The rest of the conversation took place in stifled giggles and glances in the direction of the woman.

The urge to ask her was overwhelming but he felt it would be better to do so after the visit to Ravi’s house. He didn’t realize that they had spent over an hour and Ravi hadn’t turned up. Almost on cue, Nimi received a call.
“What do you mean you can’t make it? We’ve been waiting for so long over here. I even called Samir over yaar. I wanted the two of you to meet.” She carried on her conversation with him for another minute.

“Sorry yaar, he’s stuck with some work. He has had to rush to help his dad with some of the unloading at the new place.”
“That’s ok. Next weekend perhaps.”
“I know, but I wanted you to meet him today.”
“Why is that?”
“Umm… Ravi asked me out last night. He’s such a great guy. I told him yes! Since you’re such a good friend, I wanted you to the first one to meet him.”

She began to blush. She was so happy that she couldn’t notice the small reaction on his face. It took a great effort on his part to not give away what was going on his mind. Ravi has asked her last night. If only he had asked her some hours ago instead. He wondered what she would have told him then. Would she have told no, and told him of her feelings towards Ravi? Or had they just been good friends too, and Ravi’s asking her had been a natural progression, that wouldn’t have mattered had he asked her before?
“That is great news! Why didn’t you tell yesterday, idiot? This is your treat now!” He smiled as much as he could, and got up to hug her.

He continued smiling as the memories of that day came back to him. Over time he would become good friends with Ravi as well, and the three of them would hang out together at the café. He nudged Ravi in his sides. He was talking to his brother and hadn’t seen Nimi come. His face broke into a wide grin as he saw his wife to be.

Here stood his two friends, at the beginning of their happily ever after.

Written for the ‘Happily ever after prompt’ from Project 365.

Posted on by Santulan · 6 Comments

Strangers in the night 2

I had written a micro fiction for the Write Tribe 100 words prompt for ‘Strangers in the night’. I did read some of contributions by the other writers, and loved how people took a dark taste to it. I was discussing this with a fellow blogger, and the idea to write a more uplifting take came forward. This is another take on it:

The celebration of their fifth wedding anniversary was a tiring one. It had soon become an occasion for the whole family to gather. While it was fun to meet everyone together, organizing the whole affair at the last minute had been hectic. He was sitting on the bed and didn’t realize when she came and sat behind him. She just sat there behind him, hugging him. He felt a familiar comfort in her presence. Without indication, she playfully bit his shoulder. He laughed naughtily and turned around. After all these years, it felt like they were strangers in the night.

Written for the Write Tribe- 100 Words on Saturday 2014 – 2 Prompt: Strangers in the night.

Posted on by Santulan · 15 Comments

Micro fiction: Thinking of love

He was wondering what had happened between them. He couldn’t bring himself to do the things he was asked to. Then, it became clear to him. He hadn’t stopped loving her. He had just begun to love himself too.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. The prompt is for the post to contain the word ‘love’ and complete the story in just 5 sentences.

Posted on by Santulan · 15 Comments

A year after the apocalypse

I was reading some status updates about how today is one year after the day (21st December 2012) a bunch of people believed that the world would end. It got me thinking and I made a facebook update. One thought lead to another, and I made in to a thread. This is what I finally ended up with.

 

What if there really was an apocalypse one year ago and only a handful of humans survived? But unable to deal with all the pain of losing almost of everyone we knew, someone developed a virtual reality which starts a day before the apocalypse, and in this illusion the apocalypse never happens.

You’re just living in a life of illusions and imaginations. I am not alive. I died when a meteor caused the mall I was buying chocolates in to collapse. You’re reading this because you mind imagined that I would post something like this. A figment of your imagination, just like everyone else around. They’re all dead. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD.

Now that you know that is not the real world you’re living in but just a simulation, what do you do? Do you continue in this virtual world, knowing full well what pain, the real world holds for you? What if you never wanted the illusion to get so out of hand that it creates an entirely different world for you? Now that you know it, you want out?

Plot twist… But you can’t get out. You’ve been put in a self-sustaining machine that is keeping you alive via a breathing and feeding apparatus. Your thoughts and actions in this simulation cannot influence the machine or the real world. The question here is, what is more painful? The real life where your world was ravaged by an apocalypse? Or living in an illusion knowing full well that it is so, and what the real world holds for you?

Another plot twist. You can choose to come out of the simulation, but for ulterior reasons the makers of the machine and simulation built this thought that you can’t get out of it as a fail-safe to keep the simulation going on. You can do it, but you’ve been lead to believe that it is impossible.

After some time you slowly come to terms with your life in the simulation. You don’t have much control over how the simulation plays out as it is reflection of the imaginations from your subconscious, but you accept this new life and embrace it. You now have a loving family with the person you always liked, and a dream job.
Plot twist. There never was an apocalypse, this simulation was built as a trial so that we can use it when something like this really happens. You are now taken out of the simulated life you had come to embrace. The people you loved, and lived with are no longer there. They were just how your imagination worked them out to be. You now live with these people, who are so different from how you remember them in your imagination.

You’re unable to come to terms with this, and your mind begins to play games on you. There are flashes, only momentary which are like glimpses into the life you had. After a period of substance abuse, you want to end it all and plan to kill yourself. By the time you are about to do it, some of faculties come back at you. There is someone who is screaming at you to not do it. You tell them about the lie of a life you were made to live in, and that you can’t take it anymore.

As you are about to take the final step, you are filled with doubt. Is this the real world or the simulated world? Have you actually come back to the real world, or has living for so long in the simulated world make you think that it is real world. It could be coping mechanism by your mind.

When you do kill yourself, will be it real or not? Will you die? If it’s not real what will happen to you? Will you find out immortality of yourself in this simulation? Will the simulation reset itself, and all of it feel like a dream that you cannot fully remember? What will happen?

 

Is there an end to this?