Dearest,

When one thinks of marriage and all the ceremonies that are associated with it, one can traditionally come up with images of gatherings of friends and family. The ceremonies beforehand, new clothes, festivities, the 7 rounds about the fire as the priest chants or the bride in a bright white gown with the groom in a black suit as the minister declares them man and wife and so on. The reception after that with the wedded couple on the stage as people take turns to wish them and pose for a photograph with the gifts they carry, and everyone smiling all around. It is indeed a wonderful sight to imagine with you in a sari and me in a sherwani.

 

Except, that it is not why and how I would want to marry you. I want you for how you are in your everyday. Yes, we will look better in our wedding dresses, having selected what to wear after careful choosing and scrutiny, with many man hours of effort in making us look better than we normally do. But, people don’t appreciate the effort in the everyday as much as I do. How you effortlessly carry off your daily sense of wearing. You don’t wear a sari in your everyday, but have you looked at yourself when you wear your daily clothes? Of course you have, but you haven’t looked at yourself from my eyes. There is a sense of awe I feel when I look at you in your everyday because in it your apparent effortlessness tries to hide the effort of the day to day. I find a trace of accomplishment in you that comes with being comfortable in one’s skin. When I say I want to marry you, it is this you that I want to marry. It is not the marriage of the sari clad and the sherwani clad that interests me, but that of you in your jeans and tee and me in my capris and shirt.

 

I understand wanting to celebrate it with our friends and family as one does at all occasions. I however, at times feel that marriage ceremonies are mostly like societal approval. I don’t want their consent to marry you, I want yours. I want to celebrate being together with you first, and friends and family later. I don’t think that my vows to you will be any more sacred with the holy fire as witness will be any more sacred than the ones I make to you when we’re alone in person. I never have believed, that having a fire or holy chants while we take our vows make our relation any stronger. It is the efforts that we put in the everyday that will make or break it, not the seven rounds we take around the holy fire as people shower us with flower petals and our parents get teary eyed. I definitely want to get a legal marriage certificate, as that would enable me to extend benefits like insurance and other things to you as it serves an advantage in my eyes.

So yes, if you want to celebrate with a large wedding then we will have that done. But marry me before you do in front of the rest of world. Let what it means to be ours, before it is so theirs.

 

My dearest, will you marry me?

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12 thoughts on “Will you marry me?

  1. Hey Santulan
    It’s great to see a post of urs after a long tym. The post on marriage is something I can relate to coz I don’t believe in the rites and all coz I feel it is imposed on us by society. After all, it’s our life and why should we do something to please society? Such a honest post.
    Cheerz to that:)

  2. Sigh. For all the un-learning and un-leaning on tradition you do do here, let me applaud, first.
    Sigh. For all the romance you bring in here, of the me and the you, comfortable in their skin, let me wallow in it 🙂
    Sigh. For knowing there are these thoughts, and for knowing there are these notions, and for knowing that it can be expressed in such beautiful and simple words, let me rejoice.

    Indeed, quite unlike the Big Fat Indian Wedding, one of which I went to, today, with my DIL, there is so much more sense in what the couple want, just for themselves, first , then family, then society.
    But, reality is very different. While more young people are clearly assertive, there is still a long way to go before the romance of the notion outweighs the expectancy of the family and community/society. May this tribe increase 🙂

    I loved loved loved this post, Hrishikesh.

    1. And thank you for this wonderful reply.. As we spoke of the other day, people think it is too much to ask of them to let you be. They cannot see something innocent stand. They will stamp it out

  3. Lovely, lovely post. I’m so proud to say that we had only a hundred people at our wedding – of which about 75 were family. We would have had it smaller if we could! 😉

  4. You idea of marriage is just perfect and so beautiful! This is what wedding ought to mean!

    Absolutely loved this post!

    To echo Usha,’ may your tribe increase’ 🙂

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