Thank you for being there. For someone (or something) that isn’t a sentient being which I may address, I sure have a lot of thanks to give. Like just now, I had fallen asleep without planning or realizing. I was having a dream which had me in the same universe as The Mentalist TV show. The realization that I was in the universe of a fictional character, made me wake up. I have woken quite a few times like this when I have been sleeping when I shouldn’t have all because I realized that I am in a dream. So there’s a thank you for letting me be on time for this letter 😀
As something that is a part of my sub-conscious, you’re very important me. Not that I remember all or most of my dreams, but what I do remember of my time spent in you, is very important to me. I have had very scary nightmares, but when I do go ‘astray’ or do something that I do not want or believe to be wrong, you are there to show up with it and make me feel all uneasy about it. For it is worth, it helps me wipe dust off my own moral mirror and get a clearer picture of myself. At worst, I have woken up in a nervous sweat to realize how bad I was doing.
There is however one particular moment for which I will be eternally grateful to you. This was months ago, and I had begun to get very close to a particular woman whom we know as B. A frequent dream would be about B and me having dinner and some form of attack or invasion taking place. While it started with humans, it went to be more dramatic with armies, aliens, and supernatural elements. In it in self, there is nothing spectacular about that. I read online that it is common to have such dreams, particularly for men about women. Initially, I thought the only manner it stood out was about the manner I dealt with the attack to save her, and began to display an array of super human abilities to do so.
However, in this particular dream while the same thing was happening, everything paused and I was able to have a moment of clarity in which I spoke to myself. Dream me, was able to converse the inner conscience me. I am still amazed as to how I was able to have this conversation, particularly since it involved having two versions of me speak to each other as corporal manifestations. I asked myself the point of these dreams, and proceeded to answer that it was all manner of showing how much I cared for her by showing that I would want to defend her.
In this conversation in dream land, I told how I don’t want my feelings and care for her to be defined by me defending her particularly because it was me who was imagining different situations for her to be defended from. I was putting her in danger to defend her to show what I felt. It was then I realized how much I was de-valuating her by defining her as someone who would constantly need me instead of me liking her for being her own independent self. That was when I realized the extent of the feelings I had for her, and my own internal double standards.
For that one particular dream, and the realizations that followed, I want to give you a big thank you. It’s not that I am not otherwise grateful for you being there for me. Apart from getting to do so many things in my dreams that I wouldn’t get to otherwise, you act as a mirror to who I am, and what I have become.
Written for the 30 days 30 letters prompt: A letter to your dreams. Other bloggers can add the links to their posts for this prompt in the linky below: