This is the story of Isabel (name changed), a girl who was raped by her father when she was three years old. Please let this sink in to you, she was raped by her own father when she was three years old. I found this news piece while surfing twitter.
This is about the trial of a French foreign ministry employee Pascal Mazuriera against whom his wife Suja Jones has filed a complaint for raping their daughter. Isabel had been telling this to her but she couldn’t bring herself to believe it at first. Finally Isabel was able to reach to her mother who had her tested who told that
“He made bobo on my zheezhee (hurt my genitals).”
“He put something filthy in my mouth.”
According to the tests done, Isabel had “genital lacerations, rectal gaping, an absent hymen, and sperm in her vagina”. It was when these results came out that Suja Jones finally filed a case against her husband. On filing the case this is the advice she was given by a police woman:
‘In our families, we don’t take this kind of thing outside,’ recalls Jones. “She said I should have found a way to ‘help him’ myself.”
Please explain to me how this is just a family matter. Rape is a serious crime, and like all crimes should be reported and after an investigation and trial the rapist must be punished. By hushing rape up and keeping it as a family matter you are only letting the rapist know that he can get away with it. This will not help.
Although initially a happily married couple with the husband showing no such signs, there were some developing traits that should have rung bells. Suja Jones says that “I thought he was amazing and I was nobody. I let him decide things, even things like who the children could or could not play with. It was subtle, but he was the boss.” A relationship is about two equals and one cannot dictate or be the boss.
According to Jones, sometime after the birth of Isabel her husband turned violent. She says he hit their oldest son and he hit her twice during a pregnancy. Mazurier needed hospital treatment after hurting his own hand by pounding on a door she was hiding behind with the children.
Violence is never a part of a relationship. You are never safe around a person who hits your children and you, pregnant or not. These are tell-tale signs of an abusive person who can snap at anything which he may deem as a provocation and lash out.
Suja Jones also says , “The man I loved, who was a good husband in a respectable position, held by many in such high regard. I thought ‘if he says it was the soap that hurt her, then of course it was the soap that hurt her and how wrong of me to pay attention to what Isabel was saying”
A person maybe of high public regard or someone you love but that does not mean that he is not a rapist. Listen to the person who is telling you about it even if she happens to be your three your girl. In spite of what we may think kids can recognize a wrong touch from a normal touch. A person’s social status or regard has no bearing on what he does when he is left alone with someone. This is especially so when people tend to hush up rape.
What irks me the most though is this:
“When a woman is raped,” says 38-year-old Jones, who was born and raised in Calcutta, “it is her own fault. When a little girl is raped, it is the mother’s fault.”
When a woman is raped it is NOT her fault. When a little girl is raped, it is NOT her fault. It is the RAPIST who is responsible. Stop with the victim blaming. Stop people from raping, do not ask people to stop themselves from being raped.
19 thoughts on “When a three year old is raped by her father”
I read it in Kaafila and glad u wrote bout me. I was shocked on how a father, that too an educated man can act in that manner. What irks me is the way the French government handled the matter and some so-called male social activists in India who called the mother all kind of names on a social networking site. It carries a lesson: It is not a family matter when rape take place and it is the responsibility of one of the parents to report the matter immediately. Btw, have you read how the cops dissuaded the mother and asked her all kinds of ridiculous questions, even the child was not spared?
I wonder where the cops draw a line as to what should be or should not be reported.. Which things must be dealt with at home?
We really have to assign blame in the right place – make it the rapist’s fault and not the victim’s, or the clothes or chow mein or something that ridiculous!
Very well said Ritu. When a thief/robber/murderer is clearly the ‘accused’ party, why is ONLY a Rapist let off, while the victim is blamed!!!!! Madness.
My hands are actually trembling as I try to comment!!! Rape is not new, it is not rare. But when a father rapes his baby, I think we are nearing the end of human civilisation!
A friend on facebook said that she wanted to what went on in his mind that made he think it was ok to rape his daughter.. I wonder the same.. was he taking out his frustrations of her being a girl child?
The entire article on IHM and it was sad and disturbing. A couple of thing stood out to me:
– The attitude of our public institutions – Why am I not surprised though. With every single case like this, the police involved should not be suspended but lose their jobs. And there needs to be some training on what to do and how to do. Don’t they get that before they start work?
– Underlying all these issues, is something I noticed – Extremely low self esteem and under valuation of the woman by herself – She thought she was inferior to the guy – because he was a guy? Because he was a caucasian and she Indian? Then on what footing did the relationship go on?
– He seemed or developed into a classic abuser. She lived with that abuse.
– She was clearly abused and this broke her down and made her live in denial. She also, needs to
undergo some counselling for abusive relationships
– It is sad that our very strong self protection and protection of the child mechanisms are ridden over by societal pressures.
– If she is a French citizen, then, it would be best to go to France and battle it out instead of having to deal with people and institutions here
– I hope her already battered self esteem does not take a nose dive when she realises how she let her husband abuse her daughter and make her feel like an incapable mother.
The dynamics of her relation were so that she felt that he was amazing, the boss and called the shots while she was a nobody who would take his words at face value.. Which is why there were so many signs before and she accepted his excuses..
True she made excuses after excuses for him – Which shows that not only the 3 year old kid but the wife was abused in this case as well. So, the mother needs counselling as much as her daughter – because what is she passing onto her kid? – I am an inferior person (irrespective of gender) and deserve to be abused?
Considering our broken system, it makes more sense if she went to France, hopefully(depending if she can manage financially) because she would probably find more support systems there and at least can work towards her and her daughter’s recovery instead of being judged and traumatized here.
I think Suja Jones made that remark in bitterness-to convey what people have been making her feel.
I think the takeaway for me from this story is that a powerful man is shielded in any culture.
The president of France met Mr.Mazurier’s lawyers to discuss the case. It took pressure from certain women’s rights organisation for the President to also meet with Suja’s representation!
Equality in parenting is as much a myth as any other kind of gender equality ,don’t we know all the nasty feedback is always for the mother and here too she might have said this in a sarcastic manner but it is clearly indicative of how women take the guilt and the blame.
It was all over the media for quite a few days here, in the Malayalam papers too, as Suja is one, I believe. Not sure about that though. The abuse, the lack of self esteem as sos has pointed out, and the fact that each and every darned time we DENY the kids our trust in what they say. No matter what. That has to be the one thing, the first thing we need to establish. No matter what the child says, and espcially, most especially, the description of the events. They do not know the dynamics of the abuse only the pain and the terror of it all. LISTEN, and accept, and move towards proactive action.
t broke my heart as a mother of a boy and a 6 month old daughter to read this news. It was shattered when I read the comments made by people unaware of the case. you would think people would understand the sensitive nature of this terrible, terrible crime. Is the mother lying ? Is the father lying? I dont know. But this I know, as a race and as a people we have the moral and social obligation to protect this 3 year old child.
Omg, u kids believe everything that the media reports. Let an incident happen to you and you will learn two expressions and terms. One is called Yellow Journalism. Two. spin doctor. Suja Jones is preying on your emotional reactions. Till the judge decides based on hard facts u have to RESPECT, (a word ur generation seems to have forgotten) THE LAW. innocent until proven guilty. If you are the so called modern generation, how can u Forgive a mother whose instincts told her about possible rape, and she still leaves the kid alone with the dad??? Who does that ? When DNA tests show that Dad is a negative match, she does not even ask police to investigate. The Police called her maid. Then she accompanies the maid and lands up getting questioned. Lol. What was she expecting? A red carpet treatment which she had gotten used to as a diplomat’s wife, with paid trips worldwide. C’mon. Each of u kids standing on judgement , I wish upon u all such a crisis. Only then u will learn not to jump to conclusions and have Ttttreeemmmblng hands while typing out comments.
Call all the five star hotels of Bangalore and ask them whether or not its true that Suja went partying and got drunk as a fish till 4am most weekends. Fine, let her have fun, a mom needs to let her hair down. But, if she suspects her own husband abusing her own child at home, why continue the partying and giving windows of opportunities of rape. I hate the word sorry and apologise when u can proactively avoid a serious problem. Standing up to him but having an eye on the all the time would have been the right option. There are other ways for a woman to destress. Go partying with the same husband and leave kid with trusted people. Atleast u keep him away from the child while u work out a way to get out of the marriage. First I thought the lawyers were brainwashing her. But it’s actually she who has very successfully used the media to grab attention to her. Attention seeking. And of course. Diplomat’s wife. Lots of money there, man, lots of money. Listen to Pascal’s latest video on YouTube before believing and commenting on “unproven” ALLEGATIONS and ACCUSATIONS. Big difference in the two. And big difference in accusation and conviction . Ok? Capiche? Or am I expecting too much of your over the top EQ and way below IQ.
As regards him being the boss around the house, oh man, u believe that ridiculous sob story, kids brought up on Bollywood drama. Lol. This woman has a strong mind of her own. To marry a foreign govt’s young employe (39 when jailed, married 11 years, u do math), fall in live, go to a totally different country and have u heard her speak ? She is rock solid man she is no doormat. No way. Family friends have given comments on how they feel is comes on strong . And I feel so sorry for u people whose ability to differentiate is so so poor. Go travel, see the world, expand ur minds. Sitting in India all the time will never make u understand what I am trying to convey. This woman has travelled, to many places. She is the equivalent of the wife of a cadre a bit lower than an IFS officer. She is no fool, no victim. Please.
See: another wife of an attaché writes : “I am sorry for this story, I think Suja was afraid to loose custody of her kids : Pascal get a permanent job, she does not, in the case of a divorce the 2 parents have equal rights, in France is also possible that a father have the complete custody of the kids if he prooves the kids will be happier with him, good international schools, etc. And Suja was afraid of loosing the 3 kids, especially that Pascal had to move in another country … but what she did is horrible, she blessed her own children, in a separation you have allways think about kids like a different entity with full rights and to respect them. I am living also a lot of stress : my husband told me 1 day ago : if we divorce who will get the kids? Me, because I can offer them more then you, a good schoole, more stability and I will fight for them … of course, cause diplomats are employed by a gouvernement,they have a job for a life and wifes have to adapt at every change, all my studies in good university don’t help, staying home is usual because we change every 3 years the country and we are not allowed to work as a spouse of a attaché to an embassy … difficult, we are depending of a man and if the things are turning wrong we risk to loose the kids…. but this is not a reason to do what S.J. did.”
Moral of the story : marry your own kind or those with similar backgrounds. Business marry business, service marry service, diplomat marry diplomat, defence marry defence. Even indian tales preach the same. Google the tale : The Mouse Turned into a Maid